I count myself among the privileged to be surrounded almost every day by inspiring people that push the limits of their mind, psyche and body for a greater purpose or dream. Such warriors are present in the skin and pulse of my life - it doesn't require a screen or an Internet connection for me to come up close to such glory.Jimmie, who is taking an "in your face" approach to gender-based violence in Africa and just returning again from his second trip to DRC in two months- he inspires me. "Good enough" is not in his vocabulary as he reaches out to the biggest names in the field to align with him in the effort. You will view/hear the results of his work. Period.
And then our team members, heading to Liberia in one short week, an "all-hands-on-deck" experience with dreams reaching to the sky with endless opportunities as we pour through every last detail... and dream. Failure is a possibility, but what is worth risking if you don't risk big enough to fail? Can one dream too big?
As my knees shook on Friday morning, I viewed warrior after fearful but moving warrior sit in community at the cancer survivor/wellness center where I was attending a day event in an effort to move more into owning my own survivorship. Ever the one to face fear and conquer, I plodded in with authority -- after all, I understand this mental health stuff and have considerable comfort around clinicians and tough issues (yeah right). As my legs literally began to shake and I had to leave the room to prevent the others from seeing my total break-down, I soaked a few tissues that day and found a new space for myself with a certainty that was pushed in with the exiting of the tears. Not easy, but invaluable.
So... you go for it. The kind of "go for it" that made my heart skip beats as I watched Phillipe Petit dance across highwires in the documentary "Man On Wire" last night. (To see the trailer http://www.manonwire.com/) It wasn't just the staggering views from the lofty positions that made my heart move (including the World Trade Center towers), but the thought (yes the thought!) of what can one really achieve if one sets his/her mind to it? If "copping out" is not an option?In recent days, I have spoken with a number of you about three questions that are running through my mind. Questions that I am forcing myself to answer as I face some serious decisions in my life. I am hoping that they will be guiding forces for me as I move forward into the minutes and hours of the next months -- movement to be done with purpose.
Question 1 - If I were to die tomorrow, what dreams would go unfulfilled?
Question 2 - What do I know and believe to be absolutely true about me, without question? Even in the face of great challenge, what part of me still exists without question?
Question 3 - What would I do with my life if I was unafraid and totally immune to concerns about failure and making wrong decisions?
I am finding that movement in the direction of your dreams takes place in the smallest of things. For me, I start by getting back into my body and living again. Friday helped me to see that when one goes through a serious illness, one almost has to live outside of his/her body for a time to cope with the intensity of the "specimen-like" life that is what makes up cancer diagnosis and treatment.
Ever the girl, I have rolled up my sleeves and started in. Yes, that was me waving my arms and belting out every note at the recent Chastain Cheap Trick, Heart and Journey concert. More movement is made through bubble baths, dinners with friends, feeling the afternoon rain pouring on my face as it flooded the sky this afternoon, and looking at my face in the mirror for the first time in a couple of years. Yes - she's back. Or, is it "back?" I think the me is all different and new and that is a good thing. It is but a fine wire that separates the meaning of the two, but that, that can make all the difference.
