The odd familiarity of the rolling whrrr of the treadmill and the ensuing sweat from me and those pushing themselves to extremes around me played tricks with my mind as I felt the adrenalin rush from my performing body. Everything felt the same and as if I have been doing it forever. The rhythm pounded out by my legs joined in the memory. As I entered the locker room of my new gym this week, I expected to catch in the mirror an image of a thin, fresh faced 19 y/o with dark hair and instead found an aging 34 y/o with newly dyed dark hair, crows feet, and a curvy figure (not all in the right places). Where did the time go? It seemed only a matter of months since I worked out the way I have been doing recently, but found, as I reflected, that I had to go back to my college years when I lifted weights 4-5 times a week and ran avidly through the hills of Kentucky- a place the cross-country team called "death valley".Time is like a treadmill on warped speed - where did it go? The point was driven home again when I took my dogs to Kentucky over the weekend and found myself driving through my old undergraduate college town. Passing my residence hall Glide-Crawford (right building in the photo), it startled me to realize that it has been 12 years since I even stepped foot in the place, and it was home to me for four years. How is that possible? I'm not old enough to tick off figures like that -- and they are in years NOT months.
I remember the innocence and ambition felt by the young 21 y/o leaving college and heading to graduate school with hopes to change the world. Little did I know that the world does the more changing of me than I do the changing of it. Cancer, broken-hearts, stymied careers, and financial woes did much to put the gray in my hair, extra pounds in the curves as life walked across my face leaving marks around my eyes.
It is my hope that the years have found me wiser along with being older. As I listen to the whrrr of the treadmill through Gnarls Barkley singing "Crazy", I realize that much has changed for me. I find I am more likely to -- throw caution to the wind, love passionately, breath deeply, embrace opportunities, do something every day that scares me, not worry about what people think of me (even the cute guy benching to my right), and throw my head back and feel the air go throw my hair. Would I trade any of that for the thin, naturally dark-headed, fresh faced 21 y/o I had in my mind before I looked in the mirror. Not a chance...
